Make Room for the Buffalo

Like a buffalo stampede, each charging forward on its own trajectory away from a spook, none exactly certain where they’re going or what exactly they’re running from – But still they run, propelled by the madness of it all. I slow down, and slow them down, deliberately obtrusive. In their gaze I see desperation, terror, longing, but aimlessness – maybe I’m projecting? So I ask, I listen – there’s no insight, just well rehearsed reactions. Am I a threat? I am no threat. In fact, I’m actively none-threatening. This car, these clothes, this tone, these hands, my frequent absence, don’t confuse that all with arrogant self-righteousness. I embody a non-threatening posture with one intent: to make room for the stampede. Perhaps, if they don’t see me, they’ll just run by and I can cower in this corner. They’ll pity me, and are emboldened. Perhaps, one day I too will run. When I’ve seen the spook, and have resolved to charge. But to run is to be compelled…I’m still wandering about. I know not what I seek. Certainly not happiness, and maybe not knowledge. It’s that voice. That restless murder clawing around my guts, demanding that I yearn, but my yearning falls short of that which commands my heart.

1 Comment

  1. Great image. Lovely writing. It’s obtuse, but far from totally. I think I get it. But, I can’t be sure. Can you have a different channel where you just, as my mother used to say “spit it out!”. But, there is a beauty to allusion, and this one is a beaut. It’s painful too: “the restless murder clawing around my guts”. Certainly, we are mysteries to ourselves despite everything we can think and say.

    If the herd are souls, working in groups, trying to do God’s bidding, I give them credit. I love them for their faith and yearning being stronger than their inner confusion. Yet, I agree, it’s not a pretty sight. We should be calm and inwardly unified, ideally. It’s tragic when the intensity of a desire or a direction seems to be so strong precisely because it needs to be ramped up to be stronger than the opposing forces, the questions and doubts. Better if we do stop and sort out our internal divisions before rushing pell mell. We might carry ourself better, and walk into the fray with poise and a wry smile. Or, even more radiant.

    So, your story and image do raise a valuable mirror. But, I try to see in their eyes the light of inspired faith and devotion, self-sacrifice, struggling to gain the upper hand. Better if we have that plus true honest and transparency in our search. For that, I give you great credit.

    p.s. pretty good for a first draft. I give myself credit. ha ha!

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